Remember when the biggest threat to America was inflation? Or bird flu? Or billionaires buying the government? Forget all that. Red Scare 2.0 is in effect.
Pause. I wouldn’t be my authentic self if I didn’t mention a few things about the photo above.
1. Dude at the table on the left is sick of that crap.
2. The woman in the back is doing a level 3 eye roll.
Maybe the people who lived through Red Scare 1.0 felt the same way we do in Red Scare 2.0.
According to House Speaker Mike Johnson, America is now fighting a two-front war: one overseas… and another against Communism lurking somewhere between the produce aisle and your local school board meeting.
As he argued for hundreds of billions in additional Pentagon funding, Johnson claimed the military needs resources because we’re also “fighting Communism on our own shores.”
Well. That escalated quickly.
For years, Republicans have treated “communist” as a universal adjective.
A note about the photo below: Mustache guy has got to be related to Norm Eisen.
Universal healthcare? Communist.
A public library? Communist.
School lunches? Communist.
A city installing bike lanes? Believe it or not, Communist.
Someone suggesting billionaires should pay taxes? Straight to Communist.
The label has become so overused that if your neighbor lets you borrow a ladder, you’re halfway to forming the People’s Republic of Home Depot.
But now we’ve apparently entered a bold new phase.
It’s no longer enough to accuse political opponents of being communists during campaign season.
Now we’re being told the U.S. military needs more money because… those same “communists” are here.
That’s quite a leap.
One minute you’re losing a local election to a progressive candidate promising affordable housing.
The next minute you’re standing at a podium implying the Pentagon should prepare for ideological combat on American soil.
One has to wonder what exactly this operation looks like.
Will Marines rappel into city council meetings?
Will the Air Force conduct precision strikes on neighborhood co-ops?
Will Navy SEAL Team Six quietly seize suspiciously affordable prescription drugs before they reach civilians?
Perhaps tanks will soon surround farmers markets where locally grown vegetables are being sold without sufficient regard for shareholder value.
The possibilities are endless.
The Return of McCarthyism… With Better Wi-Fi
America has seen this movie before.
During the original Red Scare, politicians discovered that “communist” was a wonderfully convenient accusation.
You didn’t have to prove it.
You didn’t have to define it.
You just pointed dramatically and let fear do the rest.
Today the script feels strangely familiar.
Progressives win elections? Communists.
Teachers? Communists.
Journalists? Communists.
Scientists? Probably communists.
Anyone who disagrees with the government? Suspiciously communist.
Eventually you run out of actual communists and start expanding the definition until it includes everyone who ever used the word “equity.”
Mission Creep
Here’s the interesting part.
Defense spending is generally justified by foreign adversaries. China. Russia. Iran.
Terrorist organizations.
But when the sales pitch shifts toward domestic ideological enemies, the conversation changes dramatically.
Because the military isn’t supposed to exist to settle America’s political disagreements.
We have elections for that.
We have debates for that.
We have an entire Congress whose stated purpose is to argue with one another until C-SPAN viewers fall asleep.
The moment political opponents start being discussed in the same breath as military threats, every American—Left, Right, or somewhere in between—should pay attention.
Breaking news
The House Committee on Un-American Activities has reportedly been modernized for the digital age.
That doesn’t sound like the title of a committee from the past. It sounds like one that exists today and it’s chaired by Randy Fine.
The House Committee on un-American Activities explained in less than 2 minutes in the video below.
Instead of asking, “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?”
The updated questionnaire simply asks:
- Have you ever liked a Bernie Sanders post?
- Do you believe roads should be repaired?
- Have you ever uttered the phrase “healthcare is expensive”?
- Did you once split the dinner bill evenly with your friends?
If you answered YES to any of the above, please remain where you are.
Freedom is on its way. 🇺🇸
This article is satire. It is based on Speaker Mike Johnson’s public comments linking increased defense funding to fighting “Communism on our own shores,” but the scenarios described above are fictional and intended to highlight the absurdity of expanding political rhetoric into military language.
