Leaked Trump Cabinet Slack Chat: Inside #cabinet-confidential, Where America is Being Run One Emoji at a Time

A satirical leaked Trump Cabinet Slack chat, where the foyer is aspirational, the tank is metaphorical, Stephen Miller only says “Yes,” and nobody can remember which country we’re bombing this morning.

Serena Zehlius member of the Zany Progressive team
By
Serena Zehlius
Serena Zehlius member of the Zany Progressive team
Senior Editor
Serena Zehlius is a passionate writer and Certified Human Rights Consultant with a knack for blending humor and satire into her insights on news, politics, and...
- Senior Editor
1 View
6 Min Read
Leaked Trump administration Slack Chat Screenshot of the Trump administration’s Slack chat.

Resist Hate has obtained the full message log from the leaked Trump Cabinet Slack chat and the Cabinet’s private workspace. It’s worse than you think. It’s also funnier than you think. Both of those things are bad.


The workspace is called Federal Workplace. The tagline of the main channel reads, with no apparent self-awareness, “Dedicated to leadership, loyalty, and low expectations.”

There are twelve members. There are also twelve channels, including #general, #press-strategy, #we-did-not-say-that, #alternative-facts, and — listed right between #national-security and #economic-policy — #golf-scores.

We’ve published the unedited transcript of one morning’s activity in #cabinet-confidential below. We decided not to correct typos. They’re part of the historical record now.


POTUS 👑 — 9:02 AM

The ballroom is going to be HUGE. The biggest. People will be in awe. It’ll be yuge.

👏 6 🇺🇸 4 🔥 3

JD Vance — 9:03 AM

Very classy. Much Versailles.

👍 2

Marco Rubio — 9:04 AM

Do we invite foreign dignitaries?

👀 3

Pete Hegseth — 9:05 AM

Can we put a tank in the foyer?

🪖 2

Tulsi Gabbard — 9:07 AM

Quick question… which country are we bombing again?

🤔 5 ❓ 4

Stephen Miller — 9:07 AM

Yes.

✅ 6


The Leaked Trump Cabinet Slack Chat Conversation Continues.

It doesn’t improve.

Marco Rubio — 9:08 AM

Stephen, “yes” to which country?

Stephen Miller — 9:08 AM

Yes.

Marco Rubio — 9:09 AM

That’s not —

Stephen Miller — 9:09 AM

Yes.

Todd Blanche — 9:11 AM

Hi team, just looping back on the foyer tank — is this something I should be prosecuting someone over, or…?

Pete Hegseth — 9:12 AM

prosecute who

Todd Blanche — 9:12 AM

That’s what I’m asking.

Pete Hegseth — 9:13 AM

👍

Kash Patel — 9:14 AM

Adding a thread to this. I have a list.

Todd Blanche — 9:14 AM

Of what

Kash Patel — 9:14 AM

A list.

Todd Blanche — 9:15 AM

Of what though

Kash Patel — 9:15 AM

📋


[POTUS pinned a message to this channel.]

The ballroom is going to be HUGE. The biggest. People will be in awe. It’ll be yuge.


JD Vance — 9:18 AM

Reposting the boss’s message because I want everyone to really sit with how visionary it is

🔥 1 (POTUS)

Marco Rubio — 9:19 AM

Sir, I do think we should circle back to the Tulsi question. Are we bombing somewhere this morning? I have a call with the Saudis at 10.

Tulsi Gabbard — 9:21 AM

I checked the sitrep and I think it’s Iran but it might be Yemen. Possibly both. There’s a chance it’s Lebanon but I don’t want to say for sure.

Pete Hegseth — 9:22 AM

guys i texted the plan to the atlantic again i’m so sorry

Pete Hegseth — 9:22 AM

wrong group

Pete Hegseth — 9:23 AM

wait this IS the wrong group

Pete Hegseth — 9:23 AM

😬

😬 8 🤦 4 🚨 2


[Pete Hegseth has moved this conversation to #we-did-not-say-that.]


Karoline Leavitt — 9:31 AM

Hi everyone! Just a heads up, the press is asking about the tank in the foyer. Can someone confirm whether the tank in the foyer is real or whether the tank in the foyer is a metaphor?

Pete Hegseth — 9:32 AM

the tank is real

Karoline Leavitt — 9:32 AM

Got it. And is the foyer real?

Pete Hegseth — 9:33 AM

the foyer is being constructed as part of the ballroom

Karoline Leavitt — 9:33 AM

Perfect, I’ll tell them the foyer is aspirational and the tank is metaphorical.

Pete Hegseth — 9:34 AM

but the tank is real

Karoline Leavitt — 9:34 AM

Right but the foyer isn’t yet so for press purposes the tank can’t be real yet either, that’s just logic

Pete Hegseth — 9:35 AM

ok

Karoline Leavitt — 9:35 AM

Thanks team! 💕


Elon Musk — 9:41 AM

just joining

Elon Musk — 9:41 AM

what’d I miss

JD Vance — 9:42 AM

Elon you don’t work here anymore

Elon Musk — 9:42 AM

😂

Elon Musk — 9:42 AM

ok but what’d I miss


POTUS 👑 — 9:47 AM

I want a chandelier shaped like an eagle. Make it gold. Make it the BEST eagle. The eagle should be holding something. Maybe a tank. We’ll see.

Pete Hegseth — 9:48 AM

🦅🪖

🔥 7 🇺🇸 5 👏 4

Stephen Miller — 9:49 AM

Yes.

✅ 6


Marco Rubio — 9:51 AM

Can someone PLEASE tell me which country we’re bombing.

[No one responded for 14 minutes.]

POTUS 👑 — 10:05 AM

Tee time.

⛳ 11 🇺🇸 6

[POTUS has set their status to: 🏌️ Out of office until further notice.]

[End of log, 10:05 AM.


Resist Hate will continue to monitor #cabinet-confidential, as well as #we-did-not-say-that, #alternative-facts, and the channel where the actual decisions appear to be happening, which is called, simply, #golf-scores.

See more of our content in Google search results!

Share This Article
Serena Zehlius member of the Zany Progressive team
Senior Editor
Follow:
Serena Zehlius is a passionate writer and Certified Human Rights Consultant with a knack for blending humor and satire into her insights on news, politics, and social issues. Her love for animals is matched only by her commitment to human rights and progressive values. When she’s not writing about politics, you’ll find her outside enjoying nature.
Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *